Introduction
As a mom of three, I’ve seen firsthand how a child’s disability doesn’t just affect them; it shapes the entire family. My younger twins' needs mean that our days often revolve around therapies, IEP meetings, and navigating systems that aren’t always easy to work with. While my heart and energy are constantly drawn toward ensuring she has every opportunity to thrive, I also notice the subtle ways this impacts my other two children.
Sometimes they wait a little longer for my attention because an urgent call from the school came in. Sometimes they overhear conversations about medical appointments or behavior plans that no child should have to worry about. And sometimes, they just wish things could be “normal.”
But amidst the challenges, I also see moments of incredible growth, compassion that runs deep, patience that outshines their years, and a bond between siblings that is unbreakable. Research shows that these experiences are both challenging and transformative, and that’s why it’s essential to discuss the ripple effect a disability can have on siblings.
Emotional & Behavioral Impacts
Siblings of children with disabilities often face heightened emotional and behavioral challenges. They can be more susceptible to anxiety, depression, guilt, and social withdrawal. One study found siblings are up to 60% more likely to drop out of school compared to peers without disabled siblings, mainly affecting sisters (Education Week, 2013).
In my home, I’ve noticed that my children sometimes carry emotional burdens quietly, not wanting to add to my stress. This mirrors what research refers to as the “hidden sibling effect,” where needs are often downplayed or overlooked.
The Burden of Care: Parentification & the “Glass Child” Phenomenon
Some siblings take on caregiving responsibilities—helping with therapy routines, managing meltdowns, or being “extra patient” during public outings. This is called parentification—when a child steps into a caregiving role at the expense of their own needs (Wikipedia, 2024).
The “glass child” concept also applies here. These siblings may seem perfectly resilient on the outside, but inside, they can feel invisible, like their needs are transparent to those around them (Verywell Mind, 2023). I’ve had moments where I realized I celebrated one child’s milestones publicly but didn’t always acknowledge the quiet resilience of the others.
Stress, Sleep, and Family Dynamics
The needs of a child with a disability can disrupt routines, including bedtime and weekends. Even if a sibling isn’t directly involved in nighttime care, the household’s sleep schedule and stress levels can affect them. Studies link this to lower academic performance and higher irritability (The Guardian, 2012).
Extended family involvement—like grandparents or aunts stepping in—can help balance attention and reduce strain (Verywell Health, 2022). For my family, having a strong network has made a noticeable difference.
Silver Linings: Growth, Empathy, and Resilience
Despite the challenges, siblings often develop exceptional empathy, maturity, and self-confidence. Research indicates that they may have greater cognitive empathy—the ability to understand and appreciate another person’s perspective —than their peers without siblings with disabilities (Society for Research in Child Development, 2023).
I see this in my kids daily. My oldest can read a room better than most adults. My youngest shows compassion far beyond her years. These qualities, forged through lived experience, will serve them for a lifetime.
Why This Matters
Advocates & Educators: Siblings need support too—counseling, peer groups, and mentorship programs can help.
Families: Acknowledge siblings’ feelings and create one-on-one time for them.
Policy Makers: Fund respite care, sibling workshops, and inclusive community programs.
When we support siblings, we strengthen the entire family unit.
Conclusion
Having a child with a disability changes the dynamics of the entire household. It can bring stress, emotional challenges, and unexpected responsibilities for siblings—but also fosters empathy, resilience, and unshakable bonds. My hope is that by sharing both my personal experience and what the research shows, more families will feel seen, and more siblings will know they’re not invisible in this journey.
References
Brennan, E., Williams, B., Brady, B., McCarron, M., Mulryan, N., Dodd, P., ... & Sheerin, F. (2024). Sibling relationships and well-being when one child has an intellectual disability: A systematic review. Journal of Intellectual Disability Research, 68(5), 355–375. https://doi.org/10.1111/jir.13033
Deater-Deckard, K., & Dunn, J. (1998). Sibling relationships of children with disabilities: Links with child temperament, maternal behavior, and family stress. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 39(5), 675–682. https://doi.org/10.1111/1469-7610.00366
Education Week. (2013, August 6). Siblings’ disabilities linked to academic troubles for brothers, sisters. Education Week. https://www.edweek.org/teaching-learning/siblings-disabilities-linked-to-academic-troubles-for-brothers-sisters/2013/08
Glass child. (2024, April 4). In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glass_child
Parentification. (2024, April 2). In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification
Social Care Network. (2012, September 5). Families with disabled children need better sleep. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/social-care-network/2012/sep/05/families-disabled-children-better-sleep
Society for Research in Child Development. (2023, November 8). Siblings of children with disabilities may have greater cognitive empathy. Society for Research in Child Development. https://www.srcd.org/news/siblings-children-disabilities-may-have-greater-cognitive-empathy
Verywell Health. (2022, April 29). Parents of special needs children are stressed—here’s how to help. Verywell Health. https://www.verywellhealth.com/special-needs-parents-stress-help-5323791
Verywell Mind. (2023, September 27). What is a glass child? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/glass-child-8659569
